To New Light, Crystals, and of Course Food

Meditating Ocean Style

You may have noticed I have been doormat for some time now, well for almost 10 months anyway. Truth be told back in January I was unsure as to whether or not I would blog again, but here I am writing another blog post.



Like I do every year, I spent some time in January and December contemplating on what I wanted out of the next year. I thought about things I'd like to achieve, things I wanted to do, and of course things that I needed to let go of. I meditated with my guides and angels and asked them to help guide me to remove things that were no longer serving me and to help me bring the things into my life that would help me on my next step on my journey.



In the weeks before that I had noticed that my writing was slowing down, and I was blogging less. I had no idea why but I just rode it out. Then in January while working on releasing in one of my meditations I heard a clear voice tell me to release my blog from my life, for the moment. I really did not understand this at all, I liked writing, loved my blog, so why. But instead of dwelling on it and questioning it I let it go, I released it.



Then February came and with it a new moon came. I remember this clearly because I was with my roommate talking about the up coming new moon when I saw a jewellery creation store and we decided to go in. Immediately I was in love, so much creativity around me, and there was crystals and stones, and just so much good energy. Of course at this moment my angels whispered to me a little creative idea to create for a dear friend...and thats how it all started.

Celestine Necklace

I started making a few pieces for myself, a few for friends, and then before I knew it I was creating pieces daily and feeling more alive than ever. I had always loved crystals and stones and had played a few times making myself a necklace or two; but never had I ever imagined that I would create something so wonderful out of my love for crystals. In just 10 short months I went from just loving and playing with crystals to creating beautiful pieces of art with them and working on a Certified Crystal Healing Course.



It was not until recently, while I was meditating, that it dawned on me what this all had to do with my writing and blogging...my angels and guides were simply guiding me to make  room for this new crystal adventure by slowing down on the writing. They wanted me to focus my creative energy on something new, something bigger, something that would open me up even more to my life's purpose and journey.

Sunset on Sept 9 Supermoon 

During the last Super Full Moon of the year, September 9, while sitting on a beach watching the sunset with my love I heard a familiar voice speak to me. This voice was that of my guides and they were telling me it was now time to weave all that I have been working on with all that I had been working on  before I stopped writing. Immediately my soul, my heart, and my body handed to me so many images and ideas for more creation. I started just blurting them out to my love while he listened patiently waiting for me to stop, which did not happen for a very long time that night.

Indian Agate Mala 

So here is to new adventures, listening to your angels & guides, yoga, holistic eating, crystal creations, and of course   tons of writing <333

Practicing in the Light of Perfection

Ocean views <3

Perfection is a funny thing in todays society. We all want it, we all crave it, we all need it and we will do anything to achieve it even if it makes us unhappy in the process. We force ourselves to have visions of always having to be bigger, better, and more shiny than what we are. But what happens when leave the idea of perfection behind? Let me tell you how I learned what is truly perfection and how to achieve it just by meditating.

When I was younger I used to strive to be perfect and achieve perfection all the time in everything I did.  I wanted to be the perfect daughter, sister, friend, student, family member, and member of society. All of this want to be perfect and feeling like I had to be perfect followed me through out the majority of my life. When I started dating seriously I wanted to be the best girlfriend ever and would beat myself up if I made even the smallest mistake. During college I wanted to prove I could be the perfect student as well as the perfect employee so I worked 40 plus hours and would not sleep to achieve my 3.8 average.  Then when I started meditating, yoga, and working towards a healthier lifestyle for myself and the strive and want for perfection followed me onwards. I would beat myself up for simple little slips, I would condemn myself saying I was not doing things properly or to the best of my ability, but worst of all I would stop doing things I knew made me a happier healthier person because "I could not achieve them to the extent of perfection". All of this tore me to pieces and literally almost killed me. All the pressure for perfection I put on myself to live such a happy healthy amazing life was the thing that almost put my life in danger of almost not existing at all.

Since then, over the last two years I have worked towards letting go of that need to strive for perfection and controlling my life to be a perfect story. Slowly I started to realize that I did not need to be perfect I just need to be me, no matter how messy or chaotic I was. I was perfection I did not need to search or strive to achieve it. I still struggled with wanting to be more perfect and held on to certain ideals of what perfection was until I was handed what perfection really was.

My Very Own Meditation Corner

I really started to learn how to let go of my ideals of perfection when I started to look at my meditation practice, or what I viewed at the time as a "lack of meditation practice", a few months ago. I was becoming frustrated with myself for my lack of sitting down, and doing my "ritualistic" meditation daily. When I would sit down to do this ritualized meditation practice my thoughts would often interfere, or I would feel chaotic and unfocused. I would often leave meditations feeling more angry or upset than happy and joyful because I did not achieve the perfect mediation.

One day while I was running by the sea I realized how joyous I was feeling and how my run was more meditative than my ritualistic meditation was. I started to take more consideration in how I was feeling during certain activities; baths, walking, yoga, cooking, reading, all the like. Each day it changed for me, somedays sitting in silence was the meditation my body and mind needed, other days it was a relaxing candle lit bath, or a run through nature or by the sea. This is when it hit me; just like other things in life meditation is a practice it is not perfection as it is perfection in its self no matter the meditation.

Candle Lit Bath :D

Meditation is always what it is supposed to be in that exact moment no matter what the activity is that brings it on; whatever it is it is always joyful peace, calm, and love. Meditation is about releasing negative emotion, attachment and energy and how can we do that if we are constantly wanting to achieve a "perfect meditation"? Life is quite the same in the fact that when we focus on doing everything "perfectly", instead of realizing how the things we are doing are quite perfect in themselves, we will never truly live a happy well adjusted life. When we focus on perfection it takes our sight off of the beauty in that moment and takes it to futuristic things that we may never achieve because we cannot see the current beauty. Does that mean I never sit down and take part in my ritualistic meditation practice, no; all it means is that I take that meditation for what it is no matter what happens, because no matter what it is perfect in that moment.

Meditation is always perfection no matter how chatty your mind is, no matter what activity you are doing to achieve that stillness and joyful enlightenment, and no matter where you are. Life is quite the same in the fact that no matter what it is perfect, you just need to look at it for what it truly is and instead of what it is not. Meditation has taught me to let go of perfection almost completely in my life just because meditation is not perfect it can sometimes be a chaotic mess, just like all aspects of life, but it is beautiful just the same. Truth, beauty, and rawness is perfection and everything is truth, beauty and rawness when we open our eyes to it. 

Magical Forest Truths 

The forest may have rotting leaves and logs, have insects that fly and buzz around, animal poop, and mud on the ground but we never condemn it for being anything less than perfect and magical. Now use those same eyes to look at your own life and meditation, because they are both the same as the grungy, dirty forest that we all see as perfection. We all have ability to achieve perfection we just need to change the eyes we view it with.

Releasing Fear for a New Year

Sunsets are the rawest gift our eyes
can perceive <3

So I have some confessions to make to you all, they are real, they are raw and they can no longer be silenced. I have been in a silent mode for the last two almost three months now and it has not been because I haven't had anything to write about, nor was it about not having the urge to write. I wanted to write everyday, I had so much to say, but I was scared and too fearful to do so.

I know I have talked about fear in the past and how it is one of the ego's little tricks that keeps us from following our path, our heart and living in complete happiness. I have talked about ways to not live in fear and ways to listen more to your heart instead of your ego. All that is great, it is wonderful, and let me tell you it does work but sometimes you can do it all over and over again and still feel fearful.

Detox bath of relax-ment

I started feeling very fearful in mid August and at first I was doing it all; I was using mantra's, meditation, eating right, exercise, choosing my heart over my ego, and the fear would go away for a bit but then it would come back. After about 3 weeks of this cycle I started to become frustrated and started to become angry at simple little things. Then shortly after that I just started becoming fearful all the time and listening mostly to my ego. I became very emotional but would not show almost anyone those emotions, and would even often try to block them from myself. I would still meditate at times, do some yoga to help soothe, and occasionally talk to my angels but even with all that I started to avoid my heart and give into my ego more and more.

You are probably wondering what I was avoiding and why I started listening to the fear my ego was feeding me, well to be honest it is  quite simple but also very complicated. I will do my best to explain. I was avoiding change, I was running from my future, and I was pulling on the emergency break of life all out of fear. In the last year and a half I made leaps and bounds in my life. I learned a lot and also accomplished a lot in this time period and it was all bringing me closer and closer to my life purpose and my future. At time the future can be very scary for me, like I am sure it can seem for others as well, most of the time it scares me in a good way and encourages me to move forward...but this time as much as I wanted to move forward I wanted to stay still...see complicated. I knew deep in my heart that to move forward and closer to what was in store for me in my future I would have to leave somethings behind, start doing others I had never done before and let go of some people in my life, and I will admit I was not totally ready to do all of it, or at least thats what my ego kept telling me.

Rainy day, tear filled walks lead to
such amazing things.

During the last new moon I was in a group meditation and the focus was on manifestation and the future. During the meditation I felt great, on top of the world and like nothing was wrong....I had seen short visions of my future and they had been great...so why all the fear? Why was I letting my ego control me and scare me into avoiding my future? Well, I decided to have a nice hot detox bath to help clear my head of all these fears and get my game face on for the future. As soon as I got into the bath I began to cry. The rest of my evening was spent asking for guidance and letting tears fall from my eyes. I had not felt more raw, or true in months than I did at that moment. It is amazing how sometimes a good, hard, raw cry can bring so much clarity.

Since that night two weeks ago I have had many of nights like that of the new moon night. What is different now is  that I have started listening to my heart more and I have started receiving answers and direction about my future. It has been an intense two weeks and I know there is a lot more intensity to come. But the biggest thing that has become clear to me over this time is that I was not fearful about were my future was going but about how I was going to get there, I now realize you do not just leap top the top of a mountain but work your way up to that magnificent view at the top.  Around the time I started to become fearful I was getting very clear messages in all forms daily to become more raw, and real with exposing myself, my purpose, and every aspect of my life; at that time I was not ready to do that, to take that next step towards my future so I started to listen to my ego's fearful reasoning on not doing so.

 Does this mean that I no longer have any fear or that my ego has disappeared...no, all it means is that my heart is now running the show and I intend to set it free and let it be exactly what it is at all times...no matter what!

 After running scared for the last little bit I can finally say that I am finally ready to take that next step towards my future. I do not know exactly what is in my future but I know that I am going to be raw, real, and honest with myself, my purpose and all those around me.

Beautiful Beings are Found in Mindfulness and Presence

A silent run in afternoon sun beams.

I have always found love in silence and comfort in its presence. I often crave silence to just be with me and my thoughts, I experience it with open arms and open an heart. I enjoyed meditation, yoga, and other activities that involved basking in silence. But was I truly getting the full benefits and incorporating silence into my life and being?

Lately I got to thinking about silence and how we experience it in our everyday lives. How we experience our thoughts, our feelings, and just our being as a whole. Do we allow ourselves to full heartedly experience everything that we are, that we feel, that we think? Or do we numb ourselves, choke down our anxiety, and desensitize ourselves?

An organic meal I prepared & ate in silence.

With technology and other modern day developments these days it is very possible to not be alone even if we are physically alone. We are able to numb, to an extent, whatever feelings we are experiencing in a given moment by picking up our cell phone to go on pintrest/facebook, go for a drink in a near by bar, listen to crazy uppy music, grab some easy to go food that we do not have to sit down to eat, read a book while we are eating alone at a restaurant or surf the net for some funny videos. All these things are great to a point, but often we turn to these things to numb a feelings of; anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, resentment, and others. All these modern day developments have hindered our ability to cope and just experience our emotions for what they are.

As of late I have been watching myself and take note of my feelings and what I was doing when I experienced them. As I did this I started to notice three major themes; one I ate my feelings away a lot of the time (even if i was just feeling bored), two I used music to tune out my thoughts and emotions during times of intense emotion, and three I often picked up my phone to surf the net when I was alone and feeling anxious about being alone. I was doing a whole lot of numbing myself and not experiencing my full power of mindfulness and emotion. I was not being present with myself, I was practicing drifting into other worlds during every part of my day except when I was meditating or practicing yoga.

This is when I decided to challenge myself to be more present; to experience every emotion I was feeling at every moment, to be mindful of my being and others, to not numb but live in every thought and feeling no matter if it was good or bad, to not ignore but embrace everything for what it is. It started slowly, walking to and from places without listening to music or looking at my phone to surf or text so that I could be mindful about what was going on around me. I eased into eating, when alone, while having no distractions of music/email/cell phone/ tv/ etc. Then I started taking transit while not looking at my phone, reading a book, listening to music, or having a phone conversation; which for me sometimes can stir up a lot of anxiety because I sometimes do not have a personal bubble during my trip.

An amazing view I noticed waiting
for transit.

Even though I have a journey ahead of me until I am more present in every situation and am living more truly mindful in my waking moments I can already see the benefit. I am more aware of my feelings and thoughts, more aware than I have ever been. Until recently when I was asked how I was doing I would often say; fine, good, or meh, all because most days I actually did not know how I was doing or what I was feeling. Now most days I can say not only how I am actually doing but also how I am truly feeling. I am using words like feeling "off", "down", or "out of sorts" less and less. I am learning where my feelings are coming from most of the time, and I am also learning how to cope with them without numbing myself or relaying on technology. My senses have become more awaken, colours are brighter, smells are stronger, and things feel different to touch. I am finally starting to truly experiencing most of my life for what it is not what I want it to be, think it should be, or make it to be, I am experiencing it for what it truly is.

When we unplug and open ourselves to the world around us we start to see things as they truly are. Good or bad we see life as it is, we see ourselves as we are not who we should be, and we feel true emotion without fear. We open doors for ourselves for true healing, growth, self knowledge, and true love. Try taking simple steps to just being with yourself and experiencing your true thoughts, feelings, and being. Start with a walk with no distractions, or eating meals with no distractions then move on to more from there. Watch your senses, your heart open and bloom into that beautiful being that has always been there but you have unknowingly been hiding from yourself and the world.

Sunset silence enjoyed by me and my love <3

Honestly Let's Break Open the Bottle of Truth

As I sit here in silence with only the sound of the rain beating down outside and the thunder in the distance I feel more open and more true than I have in weeks. I feel a sense of calmness, stillness, peace, and above all openness. Like waves of the ocean washing over me my senses have become heightened and I have become more aware of all that is around me in the last few days; colours, sounds, people, animals, air, earth, and everything unseen. An awakening has sprang forth the last few days with the changing of the seasons, summer to fall, and I could not feel more at ease with it all.

You may or may not have noticed my absence the last month or so. Less FB posts, no blogging, and friends and family have received far and few calls/emails/texts. I will admit it was partly because I was busy, but mostly because I was feeling blocked and retreating deep within myself. It is not very often that I become so blocked for long periods of time, or rather it has been very uncommon for a while, none the less it happened.

Some times we can control becoming blocked by the people we surround ourselves with, the type of job and living conditions we are in, the food we eat, the activities we choose, and any other conscious choice we make day to day. Other times blockage in our life comes and we do not even notice it at first, this is the type that is harder to control. Often we when do not realize we are becoming blocked it is because we are not being true to ourselves and others around us and this was what was exactly what was happening with me. I will not bore you with the details but I will tell you it had to do with; my feelings around not having a job, making friends in Vancouver, my living situation and my eating habits. Not being true to myself and others around me about these four major things lead me to start just moving through my daily life on auto pilot and blocking myself off to others and myself, that is until recently!

So, you may be wondering if you don't know your subconsciously blocking yourself, and your acquiring blocks in life, how do you know whats going on? How do you know your becoming blocked? Well let me tell you; you hit a WALL!! One day or maybe many days or weeks, you wake up and go through your day wondering why this and why that, telling little white lies (or big ones) to yourself and others (yes white lies are still lies and no good), then you go through the many to do lists in your head, and to top it off all you feel is nothing; no happiness, sadness, joy, nothing about it all...you may have periods of time were moments bring you happiness, sadness or joy but in your over all day it is blank. Oh and did I mention your tired all the time and very grouchy and short with people including yourself!

So what do you do about all of this? How do you unblock yourself? How do you move past all of this and get some sense and feeling back? Let me tell you!!!

First thing is first- be HONEST with yourself!!! It's okay if you are not ready to be honest with others right now but it is really important to start being honest with yourself. A little "white lie" is still a lie and no matter what you think they are still hurtful and unhealthily. If you hate your job acknowledge it, if your down in the dumps one day say it, if you wish you had purple hair because blonde is so not you ACKNOWLEDGE IT!!! Honestly is the best remedy, it not only shows that you love yourself enough to get real with you but it also gives you a clear view of what can/is/could be bothering you in your life. Honesty with your self is the first step then you can move on to other people when your read. It was only a few days ago I started talking openly with people in my life about what was going on with me!

Next step is to become comfortable. This step is still something I need to remind myself of from time to time, and you may need to as well. Getting comfortable does not mean getting into a comfy situation in your life, what it does mean is that anything that comes your way that brings up negative feelings, or even positive ones, you get comfy and sit with it. This is actually a huge piece of acknowledgement as well because you need to acknowledge the situation and then be able to just be okay with it. What helps me get comfy with things in my life, feelings and situations alike, is knowing that nothing is permeant, if you do not like something right now in your life it has the ability to change in a second and if we just get comfy and acknowledge the situation nature takes its course and the change opens up many doors for us.

My topsy turvy cuddle buddy!!!

Listen to yourself!!! You know yourself better than anyone else and your body and heart will tell you exactly what you need and when. Maybe you are blocked because you have been spreading yourself too thin, or working too hard; I bet if you listened to your body it would tell you to take a break and chill out in silence or nap for a bit! Just be careful not to give into your ego's thoughts and listen to them as it will continue to keep you off track and blocked! Best way to make sure you are listening to your body/heart is if it feels good do it, if you get negative feelings doing it then it is your ego speaking. Also if you the thought begins with I should do this, if I do not do this then blank will happen, or if it is on someone else's to do list stop and re-listen!!! When acknowledge and do exactly what our body and heart need/want us to do it sets us up for success later on down the road, and it also can change our out look on a situation or even our life at that given moment. I recently spent a whole day lounging in my pj's drinking tea and cuddling with my furbaby because thats what my heart and body needed.

Last but definitely not least...get moving outside!!!! No matter what time of year it is being outside invokes all of your senses if you give it the time of day to do so. When we pay attention to our senses we have the ability to clear up blocks and do healing where needed. Do this undistracted with no music blaring in your ears, when we listen to music as healing as it can be, we shut off or weaken our other senses, and when your moving outside the point is to heighten and invoke as many senses as possible. Moving outside is the best way to do this but if your body needs rest because of being over worked simply grabbing a book or cup of tea and sitting outside does the trick just as well if thats what is needed, or simply try going for a short slow walk somewhere in nature. If you are unable to go outside for whatever reasons, studies have shown, and I have also used this method, that looking at a picture of nature and visualizing yourself out in it works as well! I keep pictures of trails I love and different parts of nature in my phone and if I am on a long shift I sit down for a few minutes to look at the pictures before closing my eyes and visualizing myself out in it running, walking, meditating, or sitting with a giant cup of tea!!!

Waking up and becoming unblocked can be a long process or a short one, it varies from person to person and depends on the situation. Becoming unblocked after a long period of time however is the most amazing, uplifting, sensory over loading feeling ever! I encourage you all to take a good look at your life and yourself and unblock any areas that need to be, it could change your whole life!

Not the Destination Just the Journey

Alright another week has passed on this amazing journey of a 21 day yoga challenge and let me tell you it has been filled with all sorts of fun and self reflection.

Walking through the Stones! 

Day 8- This was the day of the full moon so I was super excited to go and get my yoga on! I went to a morning class and felt very energetic and focused, probably due to the fact that I had a great day of rest and the full moon effects. Class was very heart warming and made me feel even more grateful for everything. I left class feeling like I was on cloud 9! I felt the urge to do two things; one go find a crystal store and two run! My journey to find a crystal store not only lead me to two amazing crystal stores but also a store filled with every kind of book on spirituality and holistic healing you could imagine. I got to take off my shoes and walkthrough an amazing pond/tunnel filled with crystals and stones of all types, sizes and shapes; this was beyond my wildest dreams. The run part came later on in the evening around sunset when I met up with my love and his brother and we ran through the Lost Lagoon just outside Stanley Park, which was beyond magical. Every part of my day I felt such gratefulness, happiness, and peace, I felt like I had never been happier.

Some time relaxing with my  fur-love 

Day 9- Decided to go to a later class upon waking as I was very stiff and sore from the run the night before. All day I felt as if something was missing and my day seemed extremely off. It was not until I actually thought about it that I realized not doing yoga in the morning was what I was missing. Doing yoga in the morning had become like having a coffee when you wake up, it just made my day and started it off right. Class that evening was more relaxed for me as the word that my body and mind handed me was "ease", I knew this was due to being stiff and sore from my run the night before but I eased myself into every pose, took extra water breaks and only pushed my body on easier poses. Easing myself into everything and coming to class had helped my body to feel better than it had before class and so I felt feeling almost 100% back to normal.

Day 10- This was an amazing turning point of a class and day for me. I got up early and made sure to get my morning dose of yoga by hitting a class with one of my favourite teachers at the studio. Even though I was still a bit groggy I settled in, took out my mat, and began my meditation before class. Today's word came to me before I even asked my heart what my intention for this class was, the word was "breathe". I knew I had to breathe in class and knew that there is an huge emphasis on breathing in yoga, but I was not sure how "breathe" was going to help me out besides that in class, but when class started I kept this word in mind and focused on it. I would look into my eyes in the mirror and say "breathe" before each pose and posture, and amazingly enough that was all it took to change my practice into the most amazingly deep, most focused, and most up lifting class I had ever had. Any fear I experienced about pushing my body further in certain poses I just breathed through and released. Any time I thought I might fall out of a poses or posture before the "change time" I just breathed. By the time class had ended I was amazed at what had happened inside of the room when all I did was just breathe.

Day11- Bright and early practice!!! I woke up feeling a bit heavy with food from the gfree vegan pizza I had for super the night before, even though it was gfree it had left me feeling like I might as well have eaten a piece of bread, I was utterly confused, but I popped some fruits and veggies in the blender and slurped up my smoothie on the way to class! The smoothie made me feel almost instantly better and lighter, so I went into class a happy camper. The word for this class was "deepen", deepen my poses/postures, deepen my focus, and deepen my in between meditations/relaxations...or at least thats what I though the word meant. As class began I began to feel my body rejecting everything, it was not a happy camper, and it did not have anything to do with the yoga itself. I left class feeling a little out of sorts I had no idea what had happened in there, why was my body so against me? By the time I got home by body was feeling fine again but starving so I decided to have a gfree toasted tomato, vegan tzatziki and hummus sandwich, almost instantly after eating I began to feel like a p.o.s again. Seriously what was going on?! I decided maybe a nap would help and some ginger root tea. I woke up feeling much much much better around supper time. I decided that I did not want much for supper or really to make anything so I cut up some veg, grab some tzatziki, and some fruit and settled in to eat. The first few bits were delish and refreshing, but soon I realized I was starting to feel ill again so I stopped eating and retired back to my room again. After yet another nap I woke up and started talking to one of my roomies about my food experiences as of late and started trying to piece it all together, then she mentioned something never even crossed my mind before...."have you realized everything thats bothering you has had large quantities of soy in it?". No I did not realize that at all, it did not even cross my mind. I knew in the past soy and I were minor enemies and that soy can cause lots of inflammation but I had never reacted this bad or this painfully to it. My body was trying to tell me for the past two days what was going on but I was not listening, this was when I realized the word "deepen" was my body asking for me to deepen my conversation with it and listen. Thus no more soy for this gal here!!

Sunset on the seawall

Day 12- I woke up still feeling the effects from the last few days and all the inflammation caused by food but I put on my game face and grabbed my mat. Before class I got some inner guidance to pull a card for my class for that day so I grabbed my faerie healing guidance deck and pulled the "peace of min" card, what a great card to pull I thought. I headed to class and was excited, I had a teacher I never had before and I was going to be focusing on gaining peace of mind in the poses instead if pushing my hurting body. I got to class, met the new teacher and settled in on my mat in an empty room, well all except me and the teacher. At about 5 minutes before class was about to start 6 people joined us, all whom also taught at the studio and were just wanting to do a class. I didn't know what to think or feel being in a room full of yoga teachers and me being the only one not a teacher. Then class started and I had no time to think about it. I soon settled into the practice and was gaining more and more peace through out my mind and body with each pose. By also having peace of mind in each pose my body was just naturally going deeper into poses by itself. After class the teacher told me that I looked like a natural and asked me a little about my yoga history, at the end of our conversation he told me I really should consider taking my teacher training in the next year as he really saw a lot of potential in me. I left the studio feeling really excited about life and on top of the world, ever since I started doing yoga 6 years ago I had dreamed of being a teacher and now to hear that from an actual yoga teacher was amazing. That night I decided to go on a meditative run at sunset around the seawall of Stanley Park, this 10.5 k run was the most amazing this and much needed. I felt like I was just running effortlessly and when I stopped at 7 k for a water break a got an incredible view of  the sun starting to get low over the ocean; all I could hear was the waves crashing and the words "its never about the destination, its about the journey.".

Yummy Maca Root Smoothie!!! 

Day 13- Woke up surprisingly not sore from my events of the day before but boy was I tired! I decided to shove a few tsp of maca root into my smoothie for natural energy and grabbed some coconut water to help with electrolytes on the way to class. The word for today's class was "compassion", I needed to treat my body and mind with a little compassion after giving both my run and class everything I had yesterday. The class itself was a little difficult I found myself falling out of a few poses I knew I could do and I found some poses normally easy more difficult but I just accepted that that was where my body was at for the moment. After class I showered, changed and went on my marry way. While walking home I began to think about since doing this challenge how much my after yoga routine had changed. I used to wait forever for there to be no one in the change room or hide in a corner to dry off after my shower and change, now I just did it where ever and did not see the point in hiding. I began thinking of just the self confidence that I had gained in my body in general not only from this challenge, but also since I had been doing yoga in general. I was not only more aware of my body but also loved it more than I had in a long time. To top it all off I went with a group of people and my love to a clothing optional beach later on that day.

View from the top of the hill cliff jumping!

Day 14- Woke up feeling like my body had be thrashed around or hit or something, I was sore everywhere so I choose to wait till later after my body had warmed up a bit to go to class. I spent the morning meditating and looking at my past and seeing how different I was today compared to back then, home much I'd grown, the people I associated with, and even how different I looked, I actually looked happy. Doing all the revisiting and seeing how it was all different stirred up some crazy emotions, everything from happiness and joy to grief. That afternoon my love and I were invited to go cliff jumping at this place called Lion's Bay, in which you jump into the ocean off the cliffs. I was so excited to go and see this place and jump into the ocean, it was all I could think about the whole way there. Then we arrived. As soon as I changed into my swim suit and looked over the edge I felt dizzy, scared, and my heart leapt into my throat. I choose to wait a bit and watch a few of the others jump off and in, it look like so much fun. I gathered up some courage and went to the edge, looked down and everything in me pulled me back off the ledge, I did this about 5-6 times. I just could not get over my fear...even my love tried to help me out but I just couldn't, it had been a long time since I had a hard time not facing my fears. As we packed up and headed home not only the fear was still with me, but all of a sudden all the other emotions from earlier were back, it was all I could do not to just scream because of all the different kinds of energy. It was at that moment I heard a voice deep inside me "facing your fears is one thing, conquering them is another. They are two different steps and you took the first one today and next time when your ready you will take the next one, its a journey."....this voice was right I knew that but I was still emotional. When we arrived home my love wrapped his arms around me noticing I was still upset and the whispered in my ear almost the exact words that I had heard earlier, my guides were really trying to get me to listen! This time I took the words in and not only believed them, which calmed me down, but I also let them begin to heal me of every fear I had faced and every fear I had yet to face. I fell on to my bed exhausted, emotionally, physically, and mentally. How could I physically do class feeling so exhausted? "You don't, you recover, you relax, and go back tomorrow. Just because you miss a day does not mean the journey will not be the same, the journey happens no matter what." So I listened to my guides, I rested, I healed, I relaxed and I choose to take the day off.

Seven Days and Counting

Oasis of an ocean port

Seven days seems like a such a short time yet so much can happen and change with in us during that time. When we take on challenges or do any kind of inner work, a lot can happen and quickly.  This past week I decided to part take in a physical challenge that I knew would have tons of inner work and challenges along with it. This challenge was a little new to me, but not so much that so, that I did not know what to expect. The challenge I am talking about is that of a yoga challenge, it is a 21 day challenge in which I would be doing bikram hot yoga.

The idea of this challenge is to help you to develop your yoga practice more; deepen, add focus, add awareness to both mind and body in practice, and of course to hit your mat daily! Week one is about adjusting, you practice in class for 6 days and then get one day off to rest and recoup, you keep hydrated and eat plenty of good for you food. Week two starts to intensify when you go to class everyday and once that week you go twice a day, you still have plenty of good for you food and hydration. Then week three comes, still class everyday and good food and hydration, the only difference is you now go to class twice on two separate days and get bonus if you go twice for three days! These challenges have intrigued me for a very long time but yet I had never taken part in them, until now when I was heavily guided to do so.

Mountain top tree pose! 

Because of all the awesomeness I have been experiencing I have decided to share with you week by week what is happening for me and what I am learning, both on the mat and within. I am doing this for two reasons; one to show you exactly what you can learn/receive from a yoga challenge, and two to show you what can happen when you commit and give your all to something. I will be breaking it down day by day and will post each week, I will share any feelings, profound experiences, and anything I feel of importance or am of needing to share. So lets start on this amazing journey!!

Day 1- This was just like any other yoga class for me, as I usually go twice a week. I went into class, set up my mat, meditated, did the poses, sweated my a$$ off, and then left. Every class I like to let a word just come to me in meditation at the beginning to focus on for the class and for this class it was "do". My heart wanted me to just do all the poses, all the exercises and take note within as to where I was in each pose and each exercise, so this was exactly what I did. After class I felt exhilarated and a surge of excitement at what was before me with this challenge.

Day 2- Got a brilliant idea, or at least at the time, to start going to morning classes as I thought it would be less hot. Well the classes are definitely no less hot than the evening classes, only difference is there are less people and waking up earlier to go is a struggle right now. My word for class was "strength", I focused on finding strength within my body, mind, and soul in each pose. Class appeared to be easier when I focused on being strong in each pose, no matter where I was at. All day after class all I could think about was how amazing it felt doing two days of class back to back, I had not felt swore like I thought I would, and I was mentally and physically more alert to everything going on around me.

My yoga bag and coconut water chillin on a rock

Day 3- Got up bright and early and hoofed it to class, almost literally!! This morning I missed my bus to take me up to the drive to get to class and the next one would not get me there on time; normally I would have just turned around and gone home but I was determined to make this class so I decided to run! I full out ran all the way up the drive to class with my yoga mat strapped to my back and my litre jar of water in my hand, I must have been a sight, but I made it there 5 minutes before class started, enough time to change, roll my mat out and meditate for about 1 minute. My word was "focus", focus on my breathing, my meditation, and focus on keeping my mind in the room. I worked hard and sweated even harder than any other class before. My mind stayed in the room the whole class, I was proud of myself, but I was finally starting to feel the "run down" feeling after this class. So I took time out from my busy schedule to grab an organic coconut water and sit in a near by park to re-energize after class. While re-energizing myself it hit me that not only was I more committed to this challenge than any other I'd done, example running to make class, but I was determined and committed to something that I whole heartedly loved that had been begging for more love, this its self made me feel awesome!

Day 4- Body was beat and sore, so I decided to skip the early class and head to class later in the evening with a friend. Class was a struggle and a half, I was falling out of most poses early and was struggling to do some that were normally easy. My word was actually two words this class, "get through". Half way through class the instructor noticed a few people getting frustrated, I am sure I was one, and told us "Each day is different for the body, just as it is in life in general. Honour what your body needs today out of this class, if it needs a beginners easy class do that, if it needs meditation do that, but do not push your body and get frustrated when it does not do what it cannot, honour where it is, not where it should be." This stuck with me for the rest of class and poses, even though they were beginner ones, came more easily and my mind was more at ease. At then end of class I stayed for a long time in savasana to not only rest my body but honour/appreciate all that it had done for me. I went to bed super early that night and rubbed a special mixture of essential oils and herbs all over anywhere I was sore.

Day 5- Woke up with super excitement for life and going to class that morning, I was not stiff, sore nor was I exhausted! As I was on my way to class I became more and more excited. I got to class rolled out my mat and as I lay in meditation the word "truth" came to me. For the 90 minutes of class I focused on finding truth in each pose, I worked on finding out the truth of my body and how hard it could truly work at each pose. I accomplished two new poses one which was the complete awkward series, which is just how it sounds awkward, and the toe pose, which is basically you start in tree go into a forward bend with hands touching floor and foot still in tree, then sit down on to your one foot with other foot still in tree and hands come into prayer and you balance on the sitting foots toe! Toe pose has been a pose I have been determined to accomplish for years, and today I did it with ease and no questions asked, I thought it was a miracle until I realized this was the truth of my body and it could do it all along all I needed to do was ask. Truth also hit me hard upon meditation when my mind was open I heard a voice deep with in me saying I needed to listen more closely to my heart as I was ignoring something important it was telling me, but it was not till after class that I realized exactly what that voice meant. While walking home through a park I was thinking about how I had to go to work, how I hated my job, and it gave me very little freedom to do all that I was being guided to do lately, it was then that I realized that I needed to quit my job, and quit it today, I needed to listen to my heart that had been telling me to do this for weeks. So I went to work quit and got sent home; it was all a shock to me, I was now jobless and scared.

Day 6- The night before had been a little hard on me as I was experiencing so many emotions and fears over quitting my job. I knew quitting my job was the right thing to do and it felt right but my ego was beginning to play tricks. I woke up feeling emotionally exhausted and debated taking the day off of yoga, but my heart sang for me to go so off I went. My word for this class was that of "release", it came full force at me during meditation and I did not know exactly how it would work in class but I knew it was what was supposed to happen. I made it through most of the poses, just going through the motions, until it came to two poses from the end, rabbit. I had always had a hard time with rabbit as it was uncomfortable and sweat always dripped into my nose but I eased myself into it. My teacher came over to me to give me some pointers to make it more comfortable, which worked, but as it worked and the back of my heart chakra opened up I was overwhelmed by emotion. All of a sudden I had tears flowing from my eyes, my heart beating rabid in my chest, and emotions flying through my whole body. I cried through the last pose and breathing exercise, just the tears falling down your face kind of crying not the sobbing kind, and I just let it happen because I knew it was supposed to. I had heard many stories in the change room and from yogi's of people and themselves crying during practice, but I had never experienced it before, it was new to me. The rest of my day was filled with moments of tearing up and tears falling from my eyes, I did not understand what was going on. My boyfriend planned a relaxing feel good night for me to cheer me up but I still teared up in the happiest of happy pixar movies. Then laying in bed listening to my love breathe beside me I heard my answer "You just released all the fears, emotions, and thoughts about quitting your job today. You needed to open up your back heart chakra to do so. These fears and emotions they do not exist anymore, they are released, gone. You will be fine, you are taken  care of and you have nothing to worry about." That night I slept harder than I had ever in my life, my boyfriend even said it was like I was lifeless.

The dock I laid on bathing in the sunshine in reflection

Day 7- My day of rest, from yoga that is. I slept way in, till like 11:30 and then got my day started. My love and I choose to take the motorbike on a little road trip to a peaceful little ocean port a little outside Vancity. As I sat on the dock of this peaceful place and soaked up the sunshine I began to soak in all that had happened this week; I had pushed my body and completed six, ninety minute hot yoga classes that were 105 degrees each and ranged in humidity from 48% to 53%. I had deepened poses that I had been working on and had been struggling with for years, while deepening my awareness of my body and the outside world. I had also released weeks of fear, negative thinking, and emotions from my body about quitting my job. I had come further than I had ever expected to and it was only my first week. On the way back from our little oasis ocean port I sat on the back of the bike and realized that this journey was just beginning and I could not be more happy to be on it.