Releasing Fear for a New Year

Sunsets are the rawest gift our eyes
can perceive <3

So I have some confessions to make to you all, they are real, they are raw and they can no longer be silenced. I have been in a silent mode for the last two almost three months now and it has not been because I haven't had anything to write about, nor was it about not having the urge to write. I wanted to write everyday, I had so much to say, but I was scared and too fearful to do so.

I know I have talked about fear in the past and how it is one of the ego's little tricks that keeps us from following our path, our heart and living in complete happiness. I have talked about ways to not live in fear and ways to listen more to your heart instead of your ego. All that is great, it is wonderful, and let me tell you it does work but sometimes you can do it all over and over again and still feel fearful.

Detox bath of relax-ment

I started feeling very fearful in mid August and at first I was doing it all; I was using mantra's, meditation, eating right, exercise, choosing my heart over my ego, and the fear would go away for a bit but then it would come back. After about 3 weeks of this cycle I started to become frustrated and started to become angry at simple little things. Then shortly after that I just started becoming fearful all the time and listening mostly to my ego. I became very emotional but would not show almost anyone those emotions, and would even often try to block them from myself. I would still meditate at times, do some yoga to help soothe, and occasionally talk to my angels but even with all that I started to avoid my heart and give into my ego more and more.

You are probably wondering what I was avoiding and why I started listening to the fear my ego was feeding me, well to be honest it is  quite simple but also very complicated. I will do my best to explain. I was avoiding change, I was running from my future, and I was pulling on the emergency break of life all out of fear. In the last year and a half I made leaps and bounds in my life. I learned a lot and also accomplished a lot in this time period and it was all bringing me closer and closer to my life purpose and my future. At time the future can be very scary for me, like I am sure it can seem for others as well, most of the time it scares me in a good way and encourages me to move forward...but this time as much as I wanted to move forward I wanted to stay still...see complicated. I knew deep in my heart that to move forward and closer to what was in store for me in my future I would have to leave somethings behind, start doing others I had never done before and let go of some people in my life, and I will admit I was not totally ready to do all of it, or at least thats what my ego kept telling me.

Rainy day, tear filled walks lead to
such amazing things.

During the last new moon I was in a group meditation and the focus was on manifestation and the future. During the meditation I felt great, on top of the world and like nothing was wrong....I had seen short visions of my future and they had been great...so why all the fear? Why was I letting my ego control me and scare me into avoiding my future? Well, I decided to have a nice hot detox bath to help clear my head of all these fears and get my game face on for the future. As soon as I got into the bath I began to cry. The rest of my evening was spent asking for guidance and letting tears fall from my eyes. I had not felt more raw, or true in months than I did at that moment. It is amazing how sometimes a good, hard, raw cry can bring so much clarity.

Since that night two weeks ago I have had many of nights like that of the new moon night. What is different now is  that I have started listening to my heart more and I have started receiving answers and direction about my future. It has been an intense two weeks and I know there is a lot more intensity to come. But the biggest thing that has become clear to me over this time is that I was not fearful about were my future was going but about how I was going to get there, I now realize you do not just leap top the top of a mountain but work your way up to that magnificent view at the top.  Around the time I started to become fearful I was getting very clear messages in all forms daily to become more raw, and real with exposing myself, my purpose, and every aspect of my life; at that time I was not ready to do that, to take that next step towards my future so I started to listen to my ego's fearful reasoning on not doing so.

 Does this mean that I no longer have any fear or that my ego has disappeared...no, all it means is that my heart is now running the show and I intend to set it free and let it be exactly what it is at all times...no matter what!

 After running scared for the last little bit I can finally say that I am finally ready to take that next step towards my future. I do not know exactly what is in my future but I know that I am going to be raw, real, and honest with myself, my purpose and all those around me.

Beautiful Beings are Found in Mindfulness and Presence

A silent run in afternoon sun beams.

I have always found love in silence and comfort in its presence. I often crave silence to just be with me and my thoughts, I experience it with open arms and open an heart. I enjoyed meditation, yoga, and other activities that involved basking in silence. But was I truly getting the full benefits and incorporating silence into my life and being?

Lately I got to thinking about silence and how we experience it in our everyday lives. How we experience our thoughts, our feelings, and just our being as a whole. Do we allow ourselves to full heartedly experience everything that we are, that we feel, that we think? Or do we numb ourselves, choke down our anxiety, and desensitize ourselves?

An organic meal I prepared & ate in silence.

With technology and other modern day developments these days it is very possible to not be alone even if we are physically alone. We are able to numb, to an extent, whatever feelings we are experiencing in a given moment by picking up our cell phone to go on pintrest/facebook, go for a drink in a near by bar, listen to crazy uppy music, grab some easy to go food that we do not have to sit down to eat, read a book while we are eating alone at a restaurant or surf the net for some funny videos. All these things are great to a point, but often we turn to these things to numb a feelings of; anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, resentment, and others. All these modern day developments have hindered our ability to cope and just experience our emotions for what they are.

As of late I have been watching myself and take note of my feelings and what I was doing when I experienced them. As I did this I started to notice three major themes; one I ate my feelings away a lot of the time (even if i was just feeling bored), two I used music to tune out my thoughts and emotions during times of intense emotion, and three I often picked up my phone to surf the net when I was alone and feeling anxious about being alone. I was doing a whole lot of numbing myself and not experiencing my full power of mindfulness and emotion. I was not being present with myself, I was practicing drifting into other worlds during every part of my day except when I was meditating or practicing yoga.

This is when I decided to challenge myself to be more present; to experience every emotion I was feeling at every moment, to be mindful of my being and others, to not numb but live in every thought and feeling no matter if it was good or bad, to not ignore but embrace everything for what it is. It started slowly, walking to and from places without listening to music or looking at my phone to surf or text so that I could be mindful about what was going on around me. I eased into eating, when alone, while having no distractions of music/email/cell phone/ tv/ etc. Then I started taking transit while not looking at my phone, reading a book, listening to music, or having a phone conversation; which for me sometimes can stir up a lot of anxiety because I sometimes do not have a personal bubble during my trip.

An amazing view I noticed waiting
for transit.

Even though I have a journey ahead of me until I am more present in every situation and am living more truly mindful in my waking moments I can already see the benefit. I am more aware of my feelings and thoughts, more aware than I have ever been. Until recently when I was asked how I was doing I would often say; fine, good, or meh, all because most days I actually did not know how I was doing or what I was feeling. Now most days I can say not only how I am actually doing but also how I am truly feeling. I am using words like feeling "off", "down", or "out of sorts" less and less. I am learning where my feelings are coming from most of the time, and I am also learning how to cope with them without numbing myself or relaying on technology. My senses have become more awaken, colours are brighter, smells are stronger, and things feel different to touch. I am finally starting to truly experiencing most of my life for what it is not what I want it to be, think it should be, or make it to be, I am experiencing it for what it truly is.

When we unplug and open ourselves to the world around us we start to see things as they truly are. Good or bad we see life as it is, we see ourselves as we are not who we should be, and we feel true emotion without fear. We open doors for ourselves for true healing, growth, self knowledge, and true love. Try taking simple steps to just being with yourself and experiencing your true thoughts, feelings, and being. Start with a walk with no distractions, or eating meals with no distractions then move on to more from there. Watch your senses, your heart open and bloom into that beautiful being that has always been there but you have unknowingly been hiding from yourself and the world.

Sunset silence enjoyed by me and my love <3

Honestly Let's Break Open the Bottle of Truth

As I sit here in silence with only the sound of the rain beating down outside and the thunder in the distance I feel more open and more true than I have in weeks. I feel a sense of calmness, stillness, peace, and above all openness. Like waves of the ocean washing over me my senses have become heightened and I have become more aware of all that is around me in the last few days; colours, sounds, people, animals, air, earth, and everything unseen. An awakening has sprang forth the last few days with the changing of the seasons, summer to fall, and I could not feel more at ease with it all.

You may or may not have noticed my absence the last month or so. Less FB posts, no blogging, and friends and family have received far and few calls/emails/texts. I will admit it was partly because I was busy, but mostly because I was feeling blocked and retreating deep within myself. It is not very often that I become so blocked for long periods of time, or rather it has been very uncommon for a while, none the less it happened.

Some times we can control becoming blocked by the people we surround ourselves with, the type of job and living conditions we are in, the food we eat, the activities we choose, and any other conscious choice we make day to day. Other times blockage in our life comes and we do not even notice it at first, this is the type that is harder to control. Often we when do not realize we are becoming blocked it is because we are not being true to ourselves and others around us and this was what was exactly what was happening with me. I will not bore you with the details but I will tell you it had to do with; my feelings around not having a job, making friends in Vancouver, my living situation and my eating habits. Not being true to myself and others around me about these four major things lead me to start just moving through my daily life on auto pilot and blocking myself off to others and myself, that is until recently!

So, you may be wondering if you don't know your subconsciously blocking yourself, and your acquiring blocks in life, how do you know whats going on? How do you know your becoming blocked? Well let me tell you; you hit a WALL!! One day or maybe many days or weeks, you wake up and go through your day wondering why this and why that, telling little white lies (or big ones) to yourself and others (yes white lies are still lies and no good), then you go through the many to do lists in your head, and to top it off all you feel is nothing; no happiness, sadness, joy, nothing about it all...you may have periods of time were moments bring you happiness, sadness or joy but in your over all day it is blank. Oh and did I mention your tired all the time and very grouchy and short with people including yourself!

So what do you do about all of this? How do you unblock yourself? How do you move past all of this and get some sense and feeling back? Let me tell you!!!

First thing is first- be HONEST with yourself!!! It's okay if you are not ready to be honest with others right now but it is really important to start being honest with yourself. A little "white lie" is still a lie and no matter what you think they are still hurtful and unhealthily. If you hate your job acknowledge it, if your down in the dumps one day say it, if you wish you had purple hair because blonde is so not you ACKNOWLEDGE IT!!! Honestly is the best remedy, it not only shows that you love yourself enough to get real with you but it also gives you a clear view of what can/is/could be bothering you in your life. Honesty with your self is the first step then you can move on to other people when your read. It was only a few days ago I started talking openly with people in my life about what was going on with me!

Next step is to become comfortable. This step is still something I need to remind myself of from time to time, and you may need to as well. Getting comfortable does not mean getting into a comfy situation in your life, what it does mean is that anything that comes your way that brings up negative feelings, or even positive ones, you get comfy and sit with it. This is actually a huge piece of acknowledgement as well because you need to acknowledge the situation and then be able to just be okay with it. What helps me get comfy with things in my life, feelings and situations alike, is knowing that nothing is permeant, if you do not like something right now in your life it has the ability to change in a second and if we just get comfy and acknowledge the situation nature takes its course and the change opens up many doors for us.

My topsy turvy cuddle buddy!!!

Listen to yourself!!! You know yourself better than anyone else and your body and heart will tell you exactly what you need and when. Maybe you are blocked because you have been spreading yourself too thin, or working too hard; I bet if you listened to your body it would tell you to take a break and chill out in silence or nap for a bit! Just be careful not to give into your ego's thoughts and listen to them as it will continue to keep you off track and blocked! Best way to make sure you are listening to your body/heart is if it feels good do it, if you get negative feelings doing it then it is your ego speaking. Also if you the thought begins with I should do this, if I do not do this then blank will happen, or if it is on someone else's to do list stop and re-listen!!! When acknowledge and do exactly what our body and heart need/want us to do it sets us up for success later on down the road, and it also can change our out look on a situation or even our life at that given moment. I recently spent a whole day lounging in my pj's drinking tea and cuddling with my furbaby because thats what my heart and body needed.

Last but definitely not least...get moving outside!!!! No matter what time of year it is being outside invokes all of your senses if you give it the time of day to do so. When we pay attention to our senses we have the ability to clear up blocks and do healing where needed. Do this undistracted with no music blaring in your ears, when we listen to music as healing as it can be, we shut off or weaken our other senses, and when your moving outside the point is to heighten and invoke as many senses as possible. Moving outside is the best way to do this but if your body needs rest because of being over worked simply grabbing a book or cup of tea and sitting outside does the trick just as well if thats what is needed, or simply try going for a short slow walk somewhere in nature. If you are unable to go outside for whatever reasons, studies have shown, and I have also used this method, that looking at a picture of nature and visualizing yourself out in it works as well! I keep pictures of trails I love and different parts of nature in my phone and if I am on a long shift I sit down for a few minutes to look at the pictures before closing my eyes and visualizing myself out in it running, walking, meditating, or sitting with a giant cup of tea!!!

Waking up and becoming unblocked can be a long process or a short one, it varies from person to person and depends on the situation. Becoming unblocked after a long period of time however is the most amazing, uplifting, sensory over loading feeling ever! I encourage you all to take a good look at your life and yourself and unblock any areas that need to be, it could change your whole life!

Not the Destination Just the Journey

Alright another week has passed on this amazing journey of a 21 day yoga challenge and let me tell you it has been filled with all sorts of fun and self reflection.

Walking through the Stones! 

Day 8- This was the day of the full moon so I was super excited to go and get my yoga on! I went to a morning class and felt very energetic and focused, probably due to the fact that I had a great day of rest and the full moon effects. Class was very heart warming and made me feel even more grateful for everything. I left class feeling like I was on cloud 9! I felt the urge to do two things; one go find a crystal store and two run! My journey to find a crystal store not only lead me to two amazing crystal stores but also a store filled with every kind of book on spirituality and holistic healing you could imagine. I got to take off my shoes and walkthrough an amazing pond/tunnel filled with crystals and stones of all types, sizes and shapes; this was beyond my wildest dreams. The run part came later on in the evening around sunset when I met up with my love and his brother and we ran through the Lost Lagoon just outside Stanley Park, which was beyond magical. Every part of my day I felt such gratefulness, happiness, and peace, I felt like I had never been happier.

Some time relaxing with my  fur-love 

Day 9- Decided to go to a later class upon waking as I was very stiff and sore from the run the night before. All day I felt as if something was missing and my day seemed extremely off. It was not until I actually thought about it that I realized not doing yoga in the morning was what I was missing. Doing yoga in the morning had become like having a coffee when you wake up, it just made my day and started it off right. Class that evening was more relaxed for me as the word that my body and mind handed me was "ease", I knew this was due to being stiff and sore from my run the night before but I eased myself into every pose, took extra water breaks and only pushed my body on easier poses. Easing myself into everything and coming to class had helped my body to feel better than it had before class and so I felt feeling almost 100% back to normal.

Day 10- This was an amazing turning point of a class and day for me. I got up early and made sure to get my morning dose of yoga by hitting a class with one of my favourite teachers at the studio. Even though I was still a bit groggy I settled in, took out my mat, and began my meditation before class. Today's word came to me before I even asked my heart what my intention for this class was, the word was "breathe". I knew I had to breathe in class and knew that there is an huge emphasis on breathing in yoga, but I was not sure how "breathe" was going to help me out besides that in class, but when class started I kept this word in mind and focused on it. I would look into my eyes in the mirror and say "breathe" before each pose and posture, and amazingly enough that was all it took to change my practice into the most amazingly deep, most focused, and most up lifting class I had ever had. Any fear I experienced about pushing my body further in certain poses I just breathed through and released. Any time I thought I might fall out of a poses or posture before the "change time" I just breathed. By the time class had ended I was amazed at what had happened inside of the room when all I did was just breathe.

Day11- Bright and early practice!!! I woke up feeling a bit heavy with food from the gfree vegan pizza I had for super the night before, even though it was gfree it had left me feeling like I might as well have eaten a piece of bread, I was utterly confused, but I popped some fruits and veggies in the blender and slurped up my smoothie on the way to class! The smoothie made me feel almost instantly better and lighter, so I went into class a happy camper. The word for this class was "deepen", deepen my poses/postures, deepen my focus, and deepen my in between meditations/relaxations...or at least thats what I though the word meant. As class began I began to feel my body rejecting everything, it was not a happy camper, and it did not have anything to do with the yoga itself. I left class feeling a little out of sorts I had no idea what had happened in there, why was my body so against me? By the time I got home by body was feeling fine again but starving so I decided to have a gfree toasted tomato, vegan tzatziki and hummus sandwich, almost instantly after eating I began to feel like a p.o.s again. Seriously what was going on?! I decided maybe a nap would help and some ginger root tea. I woke up feeling much much much better around supper time. I decided that I did not want much for supper or really to make anything so I cut up some veg, grab some tzatziki, and some fruit and settled in to eat. The first few bits were delish and refreshing, but soon I realized I was starting to feel ill again so I stopped eating and retired back to my room again. After yet another nap I woke up and started talking to one of my roomies about my food experiences as of late and started trying to piece it all together, then she mentioned something never even crossed my mind before...."have you realized everything thats bothering you has had large quantities of soy in it?". No I did not realize that at all, it did not even cross my mind. I knew in the past soy and I were minor enemies and that soy can cause lots of inflammation but I had never reacted this bad or this painfully to it. My body was trying to tell me for the past two days what was going on but I was not listening, this was when I realized the word "deepen" was my body asking for me to deepen my conversation with it and listen. Thus no more soy for this gal here!!

Sunset on the seawall

Day 12- I woke up still feeling the effects from the last few days and all the inflammation caused by food but I put on my game face and grabbed my mat. Before class I got some inner guidance to pull a card for my class for that day so I grabbed my faerie healing guidance deck and pulled the "peace of min" card, what a great card to pull I thought. I headed to class and was excited, I had a teacher I never had before and I was going to be focusing on gaining peace of mind in the poses instead if pushing my hurting body. I got to class, met the new teacher and settled in on my mat in an empty room, well all except me and the teacher. At about 5 minutes before class was about to start 6 people joined us, all whom also taught at the studio and were just wanting to do a class. I didn't know what to think or feel being in a room full of yoga teachers and me being the only one not a teacher. Then class started and I had no time to think about it. I soon settled into the practice and was gaining more and more peace through out my mind and body with each pose. By also having peace of mind in each pose my body was just naturally going deeper into poses by itself. After class the teacher told me that I looked like a natural and asked me a little about my yoga history, at the end of our conversation he told me I really should consider taking my teacher training in the next year as he really saw a lot of potential in me. I left the studio feeling really excited about life and on top of the world, ever since I started doing yoga 6 years ago I had dreamed of being a teacher and now to hear that from an actual yoga teacher was amazing. That night I decided to go on a meditative run at sunset around the seawall of Stanley Park, this 10.5 k run was the most amazing this and much needed. I felt like I was just running effortlessly and when I stopped at 7 k for a water break a got an incredible view of  the sun starting to get low over the ocean; all I could hear was the waves crashing and the words "its never about the destination, its about the journey.".

Yummy Maca Root Smoothie!!! 

Day 13- Woke up surprisingly not sore from my events of the day before but boy was I tired! I decided to shove a few tsp of maca root into my smoothie for natural energy and grabbed some coconut water to help with electrolytes on the way to class. The word for today's class was "compassion", I needed to treat my body and mind with a little compassion after giving both my run and class everything I had yesterday. The class itself was a little difficult I found myself falling out of a few poses I knew I could do and I found some poses normally easy more difficult but I just accepted that that was where my body was at for the moment. After class I showered, changed and went on my marry way. While walking home I began to think about since doing this challenge how much my after yoga routine had changed. I used to wait forever for there to be no one in the change room or hide in a corner to dry off after my shower and change, now I just did it where ever and did not see the point in hiding. I began thinking of just the self confidence that I had gained in my body in general not only from this challenge, but also since I had been doing yoga in general. I was not only more aware of my body but also loved it more than I had in a long time. To top it all off I went with a group of people and my love to a clothing optional beach later on that day.

View from the top of the hill cliff jumping!

Day 14- Woke up feeling like my body had be thrashed around or hit or something, I was sore everywhere so I choose to wait till later after my body had warmed up a bit to go to class. I spent the morning meditating and looking at my past and seeing how different I was today compared to back then, home much I'd grown, the people I associated with, and even how different I looked, I actually looked happy. Doing all the revisiting and seeing how it was all different stirred up some crazy emotions, everything from happiness and joy to grief. That afternoon my love and I were invited to go cliff jumping at this place called Lion's Bay, in which you jump into the ocean off the cliffs. I was so excited to go and see this place and jump into the ocean, it was all I could think about the whole way there. Then we arrived. As soon as I changed into my swim suit and looked over the edge I felt dizzy, scared, and my heart leapt into my throat. I choose to wait a bit and watch a few of the others jump off and in, it look like so much fun. I gathered up some courage and went to the edge, looked down and everything in me pulled me back off the ledge, I did this about 5-6 times. I just could not get over my fear...even my love tried to help me out but I just couldn't, it had been a long time since I had a hard time not facing my fears. As we packed up and headed home not only the fear was still with me, but all of a sudden all the other emotions from earlier were back, it was all I could do not to just scream because of all the different kinds of energy. It was at that moment I heard a voice deep inside me "facing your fears is one thing, conquering them is another. They are two different steps and you took the first one today and next time when your ready you will take the next one, its a journey."....this voice was right I knew that but I was still emotional. When we arrived home my love wrapped his arms around me noticing I was still upset and the whispered in my ear almost the exact words that I had heard earlier, my guides were really trying to get me to listen! This time I took the words in and not only believed them, which calmed me down, but I also let them begin to heal me of every fear I had faced and every fear I had yet to face. I fell on to my bed exhausted, emotionally, physically, and mentally. How could I physically do class feeling so exhausted? "You don't, you recover, you relax, and go back tomorrow. Just because you miss a day does not mean the journey will not be the same, the journey happens no matter what." So I listened to my guides, I rested, I healed, I relaxed and I choose to take the day off.

Seven Days and Counting

Oasis of an ocean port

Seven days seems like a such a short time yet so much can happen and change with in us during that time. When we take on challenges or do any kind of inner work, a lot can happen and quickly.  This past week I decided to part take in a physical challenge that I knew would have tons of inner work and challenges along with it. This challenge was a little new to me, but not so much that so, that I did not know what to expect. The challenge I am talking about is that of a yoga challenge, it is a 21 day challenge in which I would be doing bikram hot yoga.

The idea of this challenge is to help you to develop your yoga practice more; deepen, add focus, add awareness to both mind and body in practice, and of course to hit your mat daily! Week one is about adjusting, you practice in class for 6 days and then get one day off to rest and recoup, you keep hydrated and eat plenty of good for you food. Week two starts to intensify when you go to class everyday and once that week you go twice a day, you still have plenty of good for you food and hydration. Then week three comes, still class everyday and good food and hydration, the only difference is you now go to class twice on two separate days and get bonus if you go twice for three days! These challenges have intrigued me for a very long time but yet I had never taken part in them, until now when I was heavily guided to do so.

Mountain top tree pose! 

Because of all the awesomeness I have been experiencing I have decided to share with you week by week what is happening for me and what I am learning, both on the mat and within. I am doing this for two reasons; one to show you exactly what you can learn/receive from a yoga challenge, and two to show you what can happen when you commit and give your all to something. I will be breaking it down day by day and will post each week, I will share any feelings, profound experiences, and anything I feel of importance or am of needing to share. So lets start on this amazing journey!!

Day 1- This was just like any other yoga class for me, as I usually go twice a week. I went into class, set up my mat, meditated, did the poses, sweated my a$$ off, and then left. Every class I like to let a word just come to me in meditation at the beginning to focus on for the class and for this class it was "do". My heart wanted me to just do all the poses, all the exercises and take note within as to where I was in each pose and each exercise, so this was exactly what I did. After class I felt exhilarated and a surge of excitement at what was before me with this challenge.

Day 2- Got a brilliant idea, or at least at the time, to start going to morning classes as I thought it would be less hot. Well the classes are definitely no less hot than the evening classes, only difference is there are less people and waking up earlier to go is a struggle right now. My word for class was "strength", I focused on finding strength within my body, mind, and soul in each pose. Class appeared to be easier when I focused on being strong in each pose, no matter where I was at. All day after class all I could think about was how amazing it felt doing two days of class back to back, I had not felt swore like I thought I would, and I was mentally and physically more alert to everything going on around me.

My yoga bag and coconut water chillin on a rock

Day 3- Got up bright and early and hoofed it to class, almost literally!! This morning I missed my bus to take me up to the drive to get to class and the next one would not get me there on time; normally I would have just turned around and gone home but I was determined to make this class so I decided to run! I full out ran all the way up the drive to class with my yoga mat strapped to my back and my litre jar of water in my hand, I must have been a sight, but I made it there 5 minutes before class started, enough time to change, roll my mat out and meditate for about 1 minute. My word was "focus", focus on my breathing, my meditation, and focus on keeping my mind in the room. I worked hard and sweated even harder than any other class before. My mind stayed in the room the whole class, I was proud of myself, but I was finally starting to feel the "run down" feeling after this class. So I took time out from my busy schedule to grab an organic coconut water and sit in a near by park to re-energize after class. While re-energizing myself it hit me that not only was I more committed to this challenge than any other I'd done, example running to make class, but I was determined and committed to something that I whole heartedly loved that had been begging for more love, this its self made me feel awesome!

Day 4- Body was beat and sore, so I decided to skip the early class and head to class later in the evening with a friend. Class was a struggle and a half, I was falling out of most poses early and was struggling to do some that were normally easy. My word was actually two words this class, "get through". Half way through class the instructor noticed a few people getting frustrated, I am sure I was one, and told us "Each day is different for the body, just as it is in life in general. Honour what your body needs today out of this class, if it needs a beginners easy class do that, if it needs meditation do that, but do not push your body and get frustrated when it does not do what it cannot, honour where it is, not where it should be." This stuck with me for the rest of class and poses, even though they were beginner ones, came more easily and my mind was more at ease. At then end of class I stayed for a long time in savasana to not only rest my body but honour/appreciate all that it had done for me. I went to bed super early that night and rubbed a special mixture of essential oils and herbs all over anywhere I was sore.

Day 5- Woke up with super excitement for life and going to class that morning, I was not stiff, sore nor was I exhausted! As I was on my way to class I became more and more excited. I got to class rolled out my mat and as I lay in meditation the word "truth" came to me. For the 90 minutes of class I focused on finding truth in each pose, I worked on finding out the truth of my body and how hard it could truly work at each pose. I accomplished two new poses one which was the complete awkward series, which is just how it sounds awkward, and the toe pose, which is basically you start in tree go into a forward bend with hands touching floor and foot still in tree, then sit down on to your one foot with other foot still in tree and hands come into prayer and you balance on the sitting foots toe! Toe pose has been a pose I have been determined to accomplish for years, and today I did it with ease and no questions asked, I thought it was a miracle until I realized this was the truth of my body and it could do it all along all I needed to do was ask. Truth also hit me hard upon meditation when my mind was open I heard a voice deep with in me saying I needed to listen more closely to my heart as I was ignoring something important it was telling me, but it was not till after class that I realized exactly what that voice meant. While walking home through a park I was thinking about how I had to go to work, how I hated my job, and it gave me very little freedom to do all that I was being guided to do lately, it was then that I realized that I needed to quit my job, and quit it today, I needed to listen to my heart that had been telling me to do this for weeks. So I went to work quit and got sent home; it was all a shock to me, I was now jobless and scared.

Day 6- The night before had been a little hard on me as I was experiencing so many emotions and fears over quitting my job. I knew quitting my job was the right thing to do and it felt right but my ego was beginning to play tricks. I woke up feeling emotionally exhausted and debated taking the day off of yoga, but my heart sang for me to go so off I went. My word for this class was that of "release", it came full force at me during meditation and I did not know exactly how it would work in class but I knew it was what was supposed to happen. I made it through most of the poses, just going through the motions, until it came to two poses from the end, rabbit. I had always had a hard time with rabbit as it was uncomfortable and sweat always dripped into my nose but I eased myself into it. My teacher came over to me to give me some pointers to make it more comfortable, which worked, but as it worked and the back of my heart chakra opened up I was overwhelmed by emotion. All of a sudden I had tears flowing from my eyes, my heart beating rabid in my chest, and emotions flying through my whole body. I cried through the last pose and breathing exercise, just the tears falling down your face kind of crying not the sobbing kind, and I just let it happen because I knew it was supposed to. I had heard many stories in the change room and from yogi's of people and themselves crying during practice, but I had never experienced it before, it was new to me. The rest of my day was filled with moments of tearing up and tears falling from my eyes, I did not understand what was going on. My boyfriend planned a relaxing feel good night for me to cheer me up but I still teared up in the happiest of happy pixar movies. Then laying in bed listening to my love breathe beside me I heard my answer "You just released all the fears, emotions, and thoughts about quitting your job today. You needed to open up your back heart chakra to do so. These fears and emotions they do not exist anymore, they are released, gone. You will be fine, you are taken  care of and you have nothing to worry about." That night I slept harder than I had ever in my life, my boyfriend even said it was like I was lifeless.

The dock I laid on bathing in the sunshine in reflection

Day 7- My day of rest, from yoga that is. I slept way in, till like 11:30 and then got my day started. My love and I choose to take the motorbike on a little road trip to a peaceful little ocean port a little outside Vancity. As I sat on the dock of this peaceful place and soaked up the sunshine I began to soak in all that had happened this week; I had pushed my body and completed six, ninety minute hot yoga classes that were 105 degrees each and ranged in humidity from 48% to 53%. I had deepened poses that I had been working on and had been struggling with for years, while deepening my awareness of my body and the outside world. I had also released weeks of fear, negative thinking, and emotions from my body about quitting my job. I had come further than I had ever expected to and it was only my first week. On the way back from our little oasis ocean port I sat on the back of the bike and realized that this journey was just beginning and I could not be more happy to be on it.

Accessing Your Full Potential

Rock balancing 

I once had a yoga teacher tell me "Everyone has the ability to go just as deep into a pose as anyone else, this is because we are all human and we all have the same potential, it is just accessing that potential that sets us apart. The difference between one that accesses that potential and one that does not is two simple things; letting go and visualizing it." When this yoga teacher first said this I heard the words but they did not process, I did not understand, instead I let them sink into my being and soul to be kept for a time when I could process their true meaning. It is now that I realize and truly understand what my yoga teacher was saying that day as two of the biggest things I access in my daily life are letting go and visualization. Learning to let go and visualize have lead me to reach goals and change my life, and everyone can learn to use these tools in their lives to do the same.

It is true as humans we do all have the same potential in us to do and achieve the same things, just some of us access it all to achieve our goals and some of us only access bits and pieces of it. How we access our potential and what we do with it is our choice, but when we access our full potential we tend to lead happier more fulfilling lives. Learning to visualize and let go can be challenging but it can be just as rewarding, it is as simple as changing the way you think and see the world. 

First lets start with the letting go part as it is a little ambiguous. Letting go is not about just being free, wild, and care free, this is only part of it. Letting go is about letting go of any fears, anger or resentment that is holding you back from achieving your dreams and goals. When you look deep down inside there is always some sort of fear holding you back; the fear of failing, what people will think of you, how you will look to others, not being enough, someone not loving you, and so so so many more fears hold us back. Fear is what holds us and causes us to stay in situations or places that are not accessing our potential, the fear of leaving these situations are often greater than the unhappiness of the situation so we choose to not do anything. We must consciously choose to let go of the fear, or fears, that hold us back to access our full potential.

Crossing the finish line of my first official race

I get a lot of emails, texts, and other messages asking how to release fear. Well it's simple you just do it. I know it sounds too simple to be true but it is the truth. So what if you fail? You just pick yourself and stuff back up and try again. Scared of people judging you, well chances are honey that they are more focused on their lives and their own fears they do not even notice what you are doing, and the ones that do notice are not going to judge as those are the people that love and care about you. What about haters you ask, well haters are always going to hate and do you want to know why, it's because they are too scared to over come their own fears of their own situations so they attack others who try. 

All you need to do to release your fear is to just realize that it does not exist and that whatever you fear you can conquer.  It sounds easier said then done but it is true you just have to do it, and sometimes I need a little reminder that my fears are not real and to give them a good boot to the door as well. I will give an example from my yoga practice; there is this pose called the crow pose and for years I could not do it and why because I was too scared I would fall on my face, then one day it came to me, even if I fall the worst that is going to happen is that I will catch myself before I hit the ground. I began facing my fear of falling and failing in this pose every morning when I took to my mat, and guess what I did fall few times, one time I actually didn't catch myself and got a little hurt, but I still continued to face my fears, release them, and just let go until I finally was able to access my full potential and succeed in the pose.

Visualization is the second part to accessing your full potential as a human beings. Most of us have heard of visualization and may have even used it once or twice before. A lot of successful professionals, athletes, actors, musicians and the such use it to help them train themselves for "go time" and success in their chosen profession. We can all use visualization to our advantage and in our daily lives as well, all you have to do is visualize yourself being successful in what ever it is you want to do. Visualize what it would feel like, what it would look like, invoke all your senses when doing visualization; sight, sound, touch, taste. When you add all your senses and feelings into your visualization it makes it more real and makes your conciseness and subconsciousness believe that it is happening/will happen. You can also use visualization when letting go of your fears, visualize what it would look like to let that fear go, how it would feel, what would change, and so on and so forth. I did a lot of visualization during training for my very first official race, I visualized me crossing the finish line, I saw myself reaching my goal time, I felt how it would feel, I tasted the saltiness of my sweat, I visualized it all, and then finally on the day of I succeeded and it was actually better than my visualization. 

There you go!! Now it's your go time!!! I have added two more amazing tools to your tool box to help you access a life that you deserve and help you to access your full potential in life. These are simple enough that you can practice them everyday anywhere, so go on and get on it! I know you are all capable of greatness, now go show me that greatness I know is there!

The Good, The Bad, and The Amazing Detox

So many big things are happening right now and I am getting super excited about the up in coming program that is under way. With my last post I have been getting tons of emails and questions asking why detox, what are the benefits, and what will I experience. So I have decided that maybe I should let you all know whats so awesomely amazing about detoxing!!!

Everyday we are taking in so many toxins and chemicals it is not even funny. Some toxins we cannot help but take into our body, these are the ones that are found in our air and water. Other toxins we fully bring on ourselves with what we put in and on our body, food and body products being the biggest culprits. But have no fear!!! Getting rid of the toxins, or at least most of them, can be just as easy if you are willing to put in the time and detox. It is recommended that you do a 3 week detox even season change or a week detox every month to help your body to heal and detoxify itself on a regular basis.

Detoxing not only gets rid of toxins but it also makes your skin look amazing, balances your hormones, give you better hair, can make you sleep better though out the night, increased energy (after detox is complete), shed a few pounds, de-bloat and bring your metabolism back to where it is supposed to be when done right. These are all areas that are highly affected when we have too many toxins in our bodies, and trust me we all, even the healthiest person alive, have too many toxins that lay with in us laughing away. These toxins lay deep with in our organs and cells and build up very easily, the majority of toxins are found in the intestines and your skin.

Yummy Detox Fibre Fill

Now I suppose you are wondering why get rid of the toxins, can't we just live with them since they are all around us. And I guess my answer to that is ya sure you can but you will experience a lot of symptoms that I am guess ing you would rather live without such as; chronic illnesses, auto immune diseases, weight gain, increased risk of heart disease, chronic headaches and migraines, premature aging of skin, imbalanced hormones, chronic fatigue, and much much more. So would you rather detox every now and then or experience these symptoms.

Now detoxing is different for everyone and what you experience also depends on which detox you take part in, as there are many types to choose from. Holistic healing detox's are my favourite as they not only heal the body & mind as a whole but it also focuses on a high nutrition foods combined with mostly raw meals so that you get the most out of what you are putting in your body. With a holistic healing detox the most symptoms occur on days 3-5 as thats when your body is working it's hardest to detox. The most common symptoms that most people experience are; fatigue, headaches, dehydration like symptoms as your body needs a lot more water during this time, mood swings, mild stomach aches and mild running nose. One can also experience constipation for the first two days or loose bowels as your body is trying to get rid of what it needs to. Most of the time the last two is what scares people and they think something is wrong but nothing is wrong it is just your systems way of getting rid of the toxins, however, if you do experience the symptoms for more than 5 days please stop your detox and consult a doctor.

So now you have some basic facts about detoxing, trust me I could go on and on about this topic for hours, but I will stop where I am. Detoxing is a must for some and a choice for others but either way I suggest that everyone complete a detox at least once in there life, if not way more. If you are
curious about learning more about detoxing please feel free to contact me, and if you are wanting to take part in a detox please read my post, Exciting News, the Future is Here. Xoxo my love's!

A delish detox energizer elixir 

Exciting News, The Future is Here

So I have some exciting news for everyone!!! After tons of people asking of advice about detoxing and about just simple diet changes I have decided, after some guidance from my guides, to do an group detox through Love, Silence, and Ohm!! This is really exciting for me as I have been getting to use a lot of my knowledge and other skills to create this :D!!!

A little information about this particular program:

~The program will include two recipes a day, one a meal and one a smoothie or juice
~The ingredients used will be highly detoxing and beneficial in many ways to your body and mind
~I will be setting up a Facebook group for those who participate in the program
~The program will be your choice of one week or three weeks
~There will be a mind/body component included each day
~The detox its self will not be a harsh detox like some of the ones that I have told those of you looking for detox's, it will be a simpler way of starting to get rid of toxins in your skin and other organs of your body
~There will be a contest associated with the program, with a prize winner. Note the winner will not be based on how well a person detoxes 
~There will be a shopping list and guide lines sent out
~The program will start on July 15, 2013!!!!
~IT IS TOTALLY FREE!!!! Minus the cost of your food and stuff....I am sorry I cannot pay for that for you
~I  be will participating with you!!

This is an amazing opportunity to help your mind, body, and spirit detox and be part of a community that is doing it along with you. I have decided to do this based on guidance, questions from others and the fact that starting in August I will be offering a program that will incorporate similar things in it from this one. You will all have to wait to find out the information about the program that will start in August but the one thing I will tell you all is starting August it will not be free, so this is your chance to get a taste of how great your body can feel and a sample of what is to come in the future!! If you are interested in signing up or have any questions please email me at daniilindsay@gmail.com NO LATER THAN July 9th!!!! I am looking forward to hearing from you and cannot wait to start this great adventure with you all!!! Xoxo

Good Green Goodness and Yumo Factor

With all this hot weather in Van City I have been craving and wanting tons and tons of salads, fresh veggies, and fruits! Yep yep I can not get enough of any of these. So this week I have decided to give you all a little taste on one of my favourite salads and dressing; a goodie green salad with maple sesame dressing!!! I know I know it sounds yummy just by its self but the best part of this salad is it is totally detoxing and has no unnatural sugars in it but yet it hits a bit of a sweet note! So with out further waiting here it is....

Goodie Green Salad with Maple Sesame Dressing

For the Salad (Keep in mind this is a goof for you salad,

so try to use organic ingredients if possible):

2 cups of Kale (I like baby kale)

2 full baby Bok Choy's

1/4 shredded Red Cabbage 

1 large Carrot, shredded or chopped which ever you prefer

1 Tbsp of hemp seeds or sesame seeds

For the Dressing:

1 Tbsp of Olive Oil

1 Tbsp of Sesame oil

2 Tbsp of Apple Cider Vinegar

1 Tbsp of REAL Maple Syrup

1 Tbsp of G-free Soya Sauce

1 clove of crushed garlic 

1. Combine all ingredients for the dressing and set aside.

2. Combine all the salad ingredients and douse with dressing!!! 

3. Sit back and enjoy!!!! 

Rose Coloured Glasses

A simple path with great beauty.

Never have I felt more in love with everything around me than in the past few weeks. Sure there are things that I would change slightly but over all I am more in love than ever before. The first week that I was in Vancouver I thought that it was just the place its self that was making me feel so bubbly but then I realized this was not it. After thinking and meditating on this puzzling subject for the last two weeks the answer has become very clear to me as to why I am falling in love with everything, everyday. The answer its self is simple, beauty is a choice and when you see beauty you feel love.

Since I have been in Vancouver everything I lay my eyes on looks beautiful and I am instantly in love with it. Talking to friends and family back home they all say the same thing, "of course you are in love with everything, it is hard not to be when everything is so beautiful around you!", and this is true...but it is not the core of the truth. See I found the prairies very beautiful, and I was quite in love most of the time back home as well. Here I am in love with everything from the side walk, the beautiful redwoods, the rain forest, the ocean, the mountains, the homeless man on the corner, the transit, all of it. The difference is not in the place its self, home had tons of beauty in it as well, the difference lies in the fact that I am choosing to see love and beauty everywhere and in everything. I am choosing to recognize that everything in this world no matter what it is, who it is, or where it is, has beauty in it; this in turn makes me fall in love everyday.

Looking out into the dry coulees with love.

The act of choosing to see beauty and love in all things is as easy as you make it. I am still human and I recognize when situations and places are not ideal for me but I choose to find the love and beauty in the situation that makes it a temporary place/thing in my life, this makes it easy. Beauty is what you make of it, you get to choose what is beautiful in your life, so why would you choose to see everything as ugly, dull, or drab? When we choose to see the beauty in everything around us not only do we tend to look at ourselves as more beautiful but we feel happier and more light. Think of it this way, when you look at a picture of an amazing sunset with a so called ugly building in it, you find beauty in the sunset you have a warm, beautiful, loving feeling about the sunset and then the picture its self. You just need to apply that way of looking at things to the rest of your life and the feeling becomes more common and more constant. We take focus from the negative and flip the focus to the positive. When we see the beauty in all the things and situations around us it makes us fall in love, after all how can

you not love something that is beautiful?

A tin roof and dirt become a sprouting garden and morning tea look out.

I challenge you to take a few minutes each day to see beauty in things, places, people, and situations you have never thought of before and see with just those few moments how it affects your over all life; your mood, thoughts, and self awareness. Slowly over two to three weeks spend more and more time each day doing this, looking at everything around you as beautiful, and watch how in that time you fall more in love each and everyday with more and more of your life. We can all wear the rose coloured glasses if we want to.

The Lost Art

The ocean in Vancouver.

After two weeks of craziness and the big move out to the coast I am finally here and settled in, in Vancouver. This place that I have found and will now call home has the most amazing feeling to it that I have ever felt. I have said before that I knew in my heart that this was where I needed to go and be but it was more than my heart that lead me this way. My intuition, a longing, and my higher self lead me to this beautiful city and place I now live. It was my listening and actually acting on what I was being told that made it all possible. I have talked before about different ways to receive guidance, help, and signs from your higher self and guides but nothing will help you if you do not learn to listen. Listening is a lost art for some but it is an art that we all must learn if we want to connect with our true selves and essence.

Everyone has an intuition and everyone has the ability to use it. In fact our intuition is the main way that our guides and higher self communicate with us. Actually listening to what your intuition, or some people call it gut, is tell you will get you to the places that you need to be and feeling the greatness that is within you.

 It took me along time to learn to actually listen to what my intuition was telling me, I would hear my intuition but I would not take note in what it was saying and I would barely ever actually do what it was telling me to do. I started wondering why I was in the place that I was in, even though I do not regret anything or anywhere I have been in my life, but I knew I was destined for more. I spent most of my days questioning decisions I had made and things I had done because I knew they were not in my best interest.

One day it dawned on me...Why was ignoring these feelings and senses that I had? Why was I not listening to my gut, when I knew it was leading me to greatness? I was not listening because I had lost the art of listening to myself, just like most people in today's society. I was a great listener when it came to others, it was what I was trained to do, but I had lost the art of listening to myself, my intuition, my higher self, and my guides. This was when I made a vow to start to learn the art of listening again.

I started off slowly with just learning to be alone with myself and listen to my thoughts. Then I graduated to listening to my thoughts in public settings full of commotion. Meditation became my friend and soul mate in any setting. Then finally I could hear my intuition and guides clearly in any setting. I had began a journey like none other.

I now listen to what my guides and what my intuition is telling me daily. I interact with myself in a way that is full of self knowledge and love for what I have to say to myself because it leads me to my greatest good. A great example of my listening is my move to Vancouver. My intuition let me feel what it would be like to be here; the high vibrations, the love, the energy of thousands of elemental spirits and then my guides/higher self told me it was possible if I took the steps they laid in front of me. So I listened and acted.

A hike me and bestie were guided to, and what a gorgeous view!

Learning to listen was the greatest challenge but the best challenge I have ever taken. I have stumbled upon places in nature that I would have never ever found without listening, I have become close to people that I would have never thought, and I have seen and ventured to places I only dreamed of seeing. Give your intuition a chance and get friendly with your guides. Learn the art of listening to yourself and see what adventures it takes you on. For more tips and guidance on this subject feel free to email me or message me on facebook.

Listening to my intuition lead me to this amazing meditation place.

Okay Let's Have a Little Chat

Sunset walk through a beautiful lagoon.

Every once and a while I have one of those days, you all know exactly what I am talking about, the revenge of the chocolate, want to cry, look at yourself in the mirror and ask why days. Everyone has these and sometimes they can be really hard to get over. I will completely and totally admit to these days, actually in the past 3 weeks I have had a couple as my life is completely all over the place with moving right now. The important thing is to not take these days so seriously and to try and be as kind to yourself on these days as possible. We all need to love ourselves a little more but especially so on these days as we can often become our own worst enemies on these days. Here are some tips to get through them a little easier :)

Relax~ take a nap if you need to, draw a bath or just do something (besides watch tv) that makes all your senses relax. When we get down on ourselves there is usually an underlaying stressor there; might be work, relationships, money, anything. When we are stressed we can be even harder on ourselves and so just take some time no matter how busy you feel to just relax. I literally speant a whole night sleeping after work last week because I was stressed, down on myself, and just needed some recoup time. Note I said no tv as often when we are in this mood tv makes it worse because we start comparing ourselves to those on tv, same goes for internet sites. Screens off please!!!

Snuggling with my favourite furbuddy 

Beautiful List~ most of the time when we are down about ourselves because of our body, looks, profession, whatever it is we go into attack mode and destroy everything about ourselves and often say things that are not true. Stand in front of a mirror and list off minimun 5, but try for 10, things that your find beautiful about yourself. Try to include both physical and non-physical things in this list so that there is a balance.

Get moving!~ this is a huge one. Feelings are just energy and energy can be moved easily with movement!! So when you have negative feelings/energy stored up move it out with movement. Go for a walk, bike ride, dance, do yoga, or workout, just move!! We often forget this one and just sit around on the couch having a pitty party. If you for some reason are unable to do physical exersise find some movement you can do. I have been stuck not running the last week and a half, which for me seems like forever, so I can up with a simple yoga routine to do that did not hurt my achilles and I have also been working on my upper body/core...which I must say I never do! Just find something like waving your arms around like you just don't care, ti-chi, or even light swimming that is less impact for you.

Beautify~ this is one of my favorite things to do! When you are done do somethign to make yourself feel beautiful; get your hair done, nails done, a massage, do your make all glamerous, by a new outfit, anything!!! And if you are low on cash look up at home spa treatments to do, I use a ton of them!

Hair done, make up, everything did! <3

Indulge~ I am not talking about chocolate here, although raw chcoloate is okay. Spend a few extra dollars, that lets face you were probably going to spend on junkfood & ice cream, and get something special for you. Go buy yourself a cute little note pad, a new stone, a picture frame for your fav pic, a sample of a new sent, or something that makes you feel special. My favorite thing to get myself is a flower, or flowers depending on cash flow, the combination of nature and the pretty smell always makes me feel oh so special!
Best friends~ these really help, I know I always lean on mine when I need a little pick me up and unable to provide it for myself. Also keep in mind your best friend would never say all the mean things that you say to yourself, and why because they are wrong so try and think about that next time your being hard on yourself.

I could go on and on about other things to do when your having your fat day, ugly day, down day, want to throat punch people day, or whatever you want to call it but I think that these are the most important. Remember that we all have these days but how bad it gets is up to you, your in the drivers seat, so instead of having a bawling pitty party try using one or all of these and cheer up, or at least be a little brighter. We attract what we put out! Also do not "joke" around about yourself negatively...so not cool (yes we have all done this at one point or another) because even though it might actually be a joke, your self-esteem does not take it like that and your ego will grab it and run with it.We are all beautiful, intelligent, sexy, amazing, brillant beings no matter what. Take what I know you have inside of you and celebrate it instead of destroy it!

My favourite organic dark quinoa chocolate and flowers :D