Seeing Clearly in VanCity

Being more present is something we can all work on. Being present helps us to embrace and encourages us to enjoy moments and situations. I have always had a harder time being present and not over thinking situations, I blame this on my current occupation as a life coach and always having to plan for every possible situation and outcome, but over the last year I have learned how to be more present by meditating and participating in yoga. In the first two days during my trip to Vancouver last week I really learned exactly what being present was, when I was hit with the hard truth of what it can look like and feel like when one becomes not present in the moment.

A lot of people go into any situation having certain expectations whether they be good or bad, these expectations usually come from past experiences, the ego, or future thinking.  Having these expectations can really hinder ones ability to enjoy what is truly in front of them and make them miss more than they could have ever thought. For me going to Vancouver I had a lot I was focusing on; finding a place to live, figuring the city out more, relaxing/time away from work, meeting old/new friends, and of course spending time with my much missed boyfriend. I had so many expectations (good and bad), should's, should not's, and a huge to-do list before I even got on to the plane to go to the coast and I did not even realize it. I had no idea that everything that I was thinking and focusing on was hindering my ability to just enjoy every moment and experience thing's fully.

The first time I was hit with needing to let go of all my to-do list, thoughts and expectations was as I was flying over the rocky mountains on my way to Vancouver, and it literally was rammed into my head. I had received guidance from within several times that this trip was going to be a big thing for me and was really going to open some things up, but I never got clear guidance on what it was going to open up for me, naturally my mind started to wonder and my ego set in. As I was looking out the plane window and down at the Rockies all I could think about was all the things I was going to do; run everyday, tons of yoga, all the special things with my love, and of course my huge to-do list! As I was looking out the plane window thinking of all these things I began starring blankly and was not realizing what was all around me, then BAM(!), I was literally hit in the head with the truth. I had hit my head off the side of the window. As I rubbed my head I began to think about closing the window to prevent this from happening again, until I heard loud and clearly "open your eyes and take in the landscape that is before you, be in the moment, not the past or future", just as I heard this the clouds parted from under the plane and all I could see was the most majestic mountains, with an amazing view of a valley and a huge body of water, I was flying over beautiful Kelowna BC. Had I not listened and looked down I would have not been able to just embrace the moment and be in the beauty that was before me of the majestic mountains, ice blue water and vibrant valleys. Had I not listened I would have just closed my window and starred blankly ahead while thinking more about all the stuff I had to do and should do when I landed.

The second and third realizations happened after my flight had landed in Vancouver and were a little less painful. When I first got off my flight I expected to just feel like my life had suddenly changed and that there would be no stress (as I was away from work, insert happy dance here) and it was all just a big huge relief and I was instantly going to have the time of my life. When I did actually land and got through my gate all I realized was that I was in an airport and it all felt the same, no sudden sense of relief, no happy dance, no glorious sudden overwhelming joy, I was just in an airport standing. As I stood trying to figure out where I was going to collect my baggage and meet my boyfriend, whom was coming to pick me up, I started to feel anxious, then I began panicking because I SHOULD not feel this way, then it all got super weird from there for me. As I was walking to go and collect my baggage I stopped at a bathroom took a look in the mirror and realized I did not look like myself, I did not know what was going on, I expected that I should feel like I was on top of the world right now, what was going on...seriously. I continued walking and arrived at my baggage claim. As I stood there figuring out which one I had to go to I started panicking more as I realized I did not see my boyfriend anywhere! I looked around franticly thinking he had forgot me or maybe I was not really in Vancouver, I expected him to be here waiting, I expected so many things...like a happy dance at my terminal. All of a sudden a loud blooming voice told me "look straight ahead and to your left", I did just this and noticed a man in a suit looking around, he looked my way and I realized it was my boyfriend, he was looking for me and being that I was short he just could not see me right away, the voice then went on to say "let go of how you think things should be, they are the way they are and if you look at them clearly they are wonderous, you just have to let them be". I pushed the last part that I heard aside while I embraced with my love, collected my baggage and then drove off in his car. As we drove I began looking around and thinking about my to-do list and want list, everything I was seeing was like I was seeing it through someone else's eyes, like I was detached but I continued on.

 Laying on the couch the next day cuddling with my boyfriend, thinking about how I should be running even though it was raining outside, I began to feel anxious again, why oh why was this happening again?! After a few minutes I got up and went to his room where I just sat there, where was this anxiety coming from, why was this happening, it was not supposed to be like this! I just sat there, then after a short while I got up and grabbed my note pad in my suitcase, I turned to my Vancouver to-do and want to do list, that was it I burst into tears. This was when my ego stepped in "why did you even come, you should not have come, you are never going to get all of that done, the things you need to do aren't even possible" so on and so forth. I just cried and cried, hoping my boyfriend didn't come in and start asking why. Then the words came again, but this time even louder and with more force, "let go of how you think things should be, they are the way they are and if you look at them clearly they are wondrous, you just have to let them be"...my guidance continued "once you let go of your expectations and start living in the moment you can truly start seeing it for what it is, every moment of everyday is wondrous and full of love but when we focus on should's, would's and other expectations past and present we take away the wonders that are in front of us and we do not recognize the miracles and miraculous things happening at that time, feel the moment, be present, and let go of any expectations you have." I was stunned. I was not living in the moment, I was letting my expectations get in the way of embracing what was right in front of me. I was in an amazing city and my opportunities where endless if I just became present in every moment. It was then and there I made a commitment to myself to do just this. In that moment I grew in the sense that I understood more what living in the moment was and being present in the moment was. In that moment I was able to release my expectations for the trip, myself, my to-do list, and my must/want list. It was then I started to actually experience the trip itself for all that it truly was.

Often we let expectations, to-do lists, and should's get in our way of experiencing what is right in front of us. When we start being present in the moment we start truly living life, because we start fully experiencing it, we are no longer detached and worrying about getting thing's done or what we should be doing next. I know that sometimes we need to get certain things done and such, but do not think about them until it comes time to do them.  Thinking about the past and future only holds you back from seeing the beauty in the world that is in front of you. Becoming present, just doing what feels right at a given moment, and living life without expectations helps us to open up our heart to so many wondrous experiences that we would otherwise miss, this is truly the greatest gift ever. I still have to remind myself to let go of anything that is not in the present moment every once and a while but when I do I always see things much more clearly and lovingly. I challenge you to be more present in your life; let go of worry/fear of the future, expectations about any given situation, and any biases that you have about situations that come from your past. Give yourself the gift of seeing more clearly and experiencing more joy in your life, just be present!